


Running, Hurting

by orphan_account



Category: Killugon - Fandom
Genre: Fear, Killugon - Freeform, Love, M/M, NOT EDITED!, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Running, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 13:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9273419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "You have it easy Killua... because it means NOTHING to you...."





	1. Leaving (Ch.1)

_"You have it easy Killua... you're perfectly calm... because it mean nothing to you..."_

Killua squeezed his eyes shut as the memory replayed in his mind. It hurt.... It hurt really bad. His grip on Alluka's hand tightened. He continued to run. He had to save Gon. He had to. Thankfully, Illumi had let them go. Gon was his friend, but Killua couldn't help but wonder if Gon felt the same way. When he thought about it, he could clearly remember times when Gon's eyes showed annoyance.

"Big brother..." Alluka said. Killua looked over at her.

"What is it?" He asked. Alluka looked at him, concern clear in her eyes.

"Big brother looked sad..." She said. Killua gave her a smile.

"Don't worry. I'm fine!" Killua said. He turned back around, ignoring Alluka's concerned stare. His eyes lightened slightly when he spotted the hospital up ahead. He put on a little extra speed and raced ti the hospital.

**Time skip**

Kurapika silently exited the room to let Alluka do her work. He let out a small sigh. The last past few days had been stressful, but no matter. He started to walk down the hallway, when he saw Killua leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.

"Hello Killua. Why aren't you with Gon?" Kurapika asked. Killua opened his eyes and looked at him.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said. Kurapika raised an eyebrow. _What could Killua want to talk about that's more important then Gon?_ He thought, frowning in worry. Killua pushed himself off the wall. He looked directly into Kurapika's eyes.

"I'm leaving." He said softly. Kurapika's eyes widened in shocked. He stared into Killua's eyes and his own widened even further. Killua's eyes looked just like they did when he fought Illumi during the Hunter Exam. They were blank, but Kurapika could tell, that behind that blank look was a world full of pain and suffering.

"W-What!?" He said. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Why?!" He asked. Killua looked down.

"Somethings have happened.... I just.... need some time alone...." Killua muttered. Kurapika stared at him with worry. He didn't like what he was hearing. Killua sighed heavily.

"The only reason I'm telling you this, is because I want you, Leorio or Gon to take care of Alluka for me." Killua said softly. He refused to look Kurapika in the eyes.

"I see... How long will you be gone?" He asked.

"I'm not sure...." Killua turned around. He started to walk away, towards the exit. He stopped just before he reached it. he looked over his shoulder and looked at Kurapika again.

"Tell Gon I said Goodbye." He said. Kurapika frowned.

"You can tell him yourself." Kurapika said. He hoped that he could convince Killua to stay, but when he wanted to, Killua could be just as stubborn as Gon. Killua kept walking, not looking back.

**Time skip**

Kurapika walked around the hospital, his head was spinning with the new information he had. He knew, that Killua and Alluka's family were after them. He couldn't decided who should take care of Alluka. He snapped his fingers.

"I know! I'll let Alluka decided!" He said.

"Decided what?" Kurapika whirled around and saw Palm standing there. He had been in such deep thought, that he hadn't noticed her. Kurapika bit his lip softly.

"Killua.... had left." I said softly. Palm's eyes widened. "Why?" She asked.

"He said that some things happened, but didn't tell me anything else. Do you have any idea why?" Palm frowned. Her eyes widened.

"When I was a Chimera Ant, I encountered Killua. The reason I was able to kill my captor, was because Killua told me somethings. He even started crying..." Palm said. Kurapika's eyes widened. He didn't think that he'd ever seen Killua cry. Ever.

"Do you know why?" He asked.

"If I remember correctly, he told me that Gon had said some very harsh things to him... I believe Gon said something like this. You have it easy Killua... because it means nothing to you." Palm said. Kurapika flinched.

"But this was during his fight with Neferpitou. Correct?" He said. Palm nodded.

"But from what I hear, Killua was raised not to make friends, and only kill." She said. Kurapika nodded.

"I suppose you are right. It's possible that because he has never really had friends before, that he hadn't realized that Gon was not mad at him." Kurapika concluded. Palm nodded.

"That means that it's Gon's fault that he has left." Palm said softly. Kurapika's eyes widened.

"That isn't good. If we tell Gon what happened, he will only go after him." Kurapika said.

"He already would have. But maybe this is a good thing. If we tell him, he will search for him and when he finds him, he'll be able to explain everything." Palm said.

"You have a point. But if he doesn't find Killua right away, he will never stop. What if he gives up his life, just to find him?" Kurapika said.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. Those two need to make up. Killua deserves happiness, as does Gon." Palm said. Kurapika nodded in agreement.

**Time skip**

Kurapika slowly walked back to Gon's room. He had just heard that Gon had woken up a few minutes ago. He opened the door and saw Knuckle, Shoot, Leorio, Palm and Alluka. Gon gave a small smile at Kurapika. He smiled back and walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Kurapika asked softly. Gon gave him another smile.

"Yeah, thanks to Alluka and Killua. Where is he by the way?" Gon asked. Gon frowned when Kurapika and Palm gained a solemn air around them.

"What? What did I miss?" He asked in confusion. Kurapika looked away.

"May we have a moment alone with Gon please." Palm said. She was smiling, but everyone could see the murderous look in her eyes. Slowly, everyone filed out of the room. Gon was looking between both Palm and Kurapika.

"What? What's going on?" Gon demanded. Palm stayed quiet, and looked directly at Kurapika. He sighed.

"Gon... I'm not sure how to say this but.... Killua has... left." Kurapika said.

"W-What!?"


	2. Searching (Ch. 2)

Gon stared at Kurapika in shock. _What did he mean? Killua.... left?_ These thoughts flew around in his head.

"What d-do you mean he left!?" Gon cried. Kurapika flinched slightly.

"Exactly what I said. He left a few minutes after he arrived with Alluka..." Kurapika said. Gon looked down, with a frowned on his face.

"Do you have any idea why?" Gon asked. Kurapika bit his lip softly, and looked at Palm. She sighed and opened her mouth to explain.

"We believe it's because he has begun to doubt the friendship you two have." Palm said. Gon's eyes widened in surprise.

"What!? Why would he doubt that?" Gon demanded. This time, Palm looked at Kurapika expectantly this time.

"From what I know, while you were waiting to fight Neferpitou, you said some things that really hurt Killua." Kurapika said. Gon's eyes instantly flooded with guilt.

"Gon... what exactly did you say to Killua?" Palm asked. Gon looked away, guilt clear on his face.

"Gon, please. You can tell us." Kurapika said. They both had an idea of what had happened, but they weren't sure.

"I.... I wasn't... mad at him... I just.... couldn't stop..." Gon said. Both Palm and Kurapika shared a concern look. Gon continued to stare out the window, refusing to look at either of them.

"I..... I said some really mean things...." He said. Palm and Kurapika waited silently.

"You have it easy Killua. You're perfectly calm. Because it means nothing to you." Palm and Kurapika's eyes both widened. When Gon said it, it sounded absolutely horrible. And for someone like Killua, it would've been twice, if not three times as bad. Killua just couldn't have realized that Gon wasn't mad at him.

Unfortunately, there was no one else for Gon to take that anger out on. Gon looked up at Palm and Kurapika. A determined look in his eyes. Kurapika and Palm were surprised when Gon swung his legs on the side of the bed. Both Kurapika and Palm jumped up to stop him.

"Gon! Wait! You need to rest!" Palm said. Gon pushed both of their hands away, and glared at them slightly.

"I'm going after Killua." He said stubbornly.

"No. You need at least an hour or two of rest." Kurapika said.

"But if I don't go now, Killua's scent will disappear!" Gon protested. Palm and Kurapika both hesitated. Gon took that chance and stood up.

"I'm going to go find Killua!" Gon said. This time, Kurapika and Palm didn't try to stop him.

**Meanwhile**

Killua walked quietly, with his head down. Tears were silently streaming down his face. He didn't know what to do. Gon had been his friend, his only friend. Now that Killua believe Gon didn't care, he felt empty. He didn't know what to do. He absolutely hated this feeling though. This feeling of hopelessness and despair.

 _What now?_ He thought. He didn't know what to do. He realized, that no matter what, he always followed someone. He had followed his brother and father and after that, he had followed Gon.

But now.... now he had no one to follow. He sighed. His face was wet and sticky from his tears. He clenched his fist tightly. He was no longer just going to follow. He knew what he wanted to do.

He was going to train. He was going to train his mind, body and Nen. He was determined to developed a stronger mind. He wanted his Nen to grow more powerful. Until he was sure, that he would be able to fight Illumi well. He wanted to be able to hold his own against anyone he came across.

Killua frowned. Now I just need to find a place to train where I won't be bothered....

**Back To Gon**

Gonran out of the hospital and raced down the streets of Yorknew city. He could clearly make out Killua's faint smell. But it was starting to rain. If he didn't hurry, he could lose the scent! He raced down the streets, desperately searching for Killua, but he couldn't find him.

**Time skip**

A few hours later, Gon came back. Kurapika stood up quickly and looked at him.

"D-Did you find him?" He asked. Gon simply stared at the ground. He made his way down the hallway before stopping at the door.

"No... but I'm not giving up." He said. He turned around and looked at everyone. His eyes were filled with determination, but also.... desperation.

"Can I rely on all of you to help?" He asked. They all nodded. They were going to find Killua. If that was the last thing they did.


	3. Discovering And Training (Ch.3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon finally finds him....

It's been five year since Killua disappeared and everyone but Gon has given up on the search. Everyone was still keeping a look out for him, but they weren't devoting their time in searching. Gon hasn't stopped though. He's sworn that he was going to find Killua. He'll find Killua. No matter how long it takes. Gon was currently back in YorkNew city. But he was in the outskirts of town.

There was a dense forest outside of town and Gon decided to search it again. Maybe he had missed an area or something. Gon sighed. After five years, he was beginning to lose hope. Gon walked to the edge of the forest. He slowly walked into the forest.

It was infamous. People often went there to commit suicide, if they didn't want their bodies to be found. It was common knowledge that there were many bodies hanging from trees, lying on the ground, without a proper burial. Travelers that ventured into the forest were never seen again. Therefore, it was the perfect place if someone wanted to disappear. Gon continued to walked. When he had first ventured into the forest, he hadn't gotten far, because his companions didn't want to venture further into the forest. The forest was called the Great Forest, because it was the biggest known forest in the world. But it was more commonly known as Dead Mans Forest, for obvious reasons.

**Time skip**

Gon has been walking for about two hours straight. He wasn't tired, not yet. But if an animal were to attack, like a bear, it was possible that he might lose, depending on how mad the bear was. Gon sighed out loud. He was tired. Tired of the search. But he refused to give up. He was going to find Killua. After another two hours of walking, he found himself stumbling into a clearing. There was a small lake, well, more like a hot spring, except the water wasn't hot. It had a small but strong waterfall flow down from the cliff.

He stumbled towards it and knelt to take a drink. He cupped his hands and dipped them into the water. He was about to lift them, when he noticed a small ripple in the water. He looked up in surprise, his eyes widening when a familiar figure emerged. A small, but tone body, skin as pale as the clouds and snow white hair, dripping with water. The figure stood up straight, and Gon gasped slightly.

It was Killua. There was no doubt about it. His eyes were closed, and he hadn't yet noticed him. Killua ran a hand through his wet hair and opened his bright blue eyes, while Gon simply stared in disbelief. Killua blinked a few times, before he turned his head in Gon's direction his eyes widening when he focused on Gon.

"K-Killua...." Gon whispered. Killua simply stared at him. Killua started walking to the shore of the pond, Gon's gaze followed him. Killua grabbed some clothes that were hidden behind a rock, so Gon hadn't noticed them. Killua put his pants on his still soaked legs. He looked over his shoulder at Gon.

"We'll talk, after I train." He stated, before climbing up some of the cliff, before coming to a stop at a small ledge. He sat down cross legged and closed his eyes. Gon frowned, wondering what he was about to do.

"This could take as long as twelve hours. If you are not prepared to wait, leave." He said, without opening his eyes. Gon swallowed harshly, before clenching his fists.

"I've waited for five years. I can wait another twelve hours." Gon said. He sat down by the pond. He looked up at Killua, and saw the faintest smile on his face. But it was possible that Gon had imagined it. Killua had kept his eyes closed and in an instant, Gon felt an overwhelming _Aura_. His eyes widened in shock, when he realized the _Aura_ was coming from Killua only. It was so strong.

 _Is he really so powerful that he can hold this for twelve hours?!_ Gon thought. He was shocked. He had had no idea that his friend was this powerful. He continued to study Killua. Killua hadn't really changed in the past five years. His hair was slightly longer and choppy. It was evident that Killua had cut his hair with his claws. It was uneven, but Gon couldn't help but think that Killua had grown into a very handsome man. Sure, he'd always been good looking. But Gon was noticing it more now. He hadn't expected to think that his best friend was so.... attractive.

He shook his head furiously, to get rid of the suggestive thoughts circling in his head.

**Time skip**

It's been four hours, and Killua's _Aura_ hasn't wavered once. Gon was surprise and quite impressed. To pass the time, he had been doing physical activity. He made sure not to use _Nen_ , because he didn't to break Killua's concentration. Gon would admit, he was getting bored. He sat down and layed on his side. To pass the time, he decided to take a nap.

**Time skip**

Gon woke up and saw the sun starting to set. He glanced up at Killua, and saw that he was sweating a bit and his posture was a bit more tense, but Gon could tell, that Killua wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He sighed and layed back down to sleep.

**Time skip**

When Gon woke up again, it was almost morning. He sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He, once again, glanced up at Killua. He was sweating heavily and his eyes were scrunched up. His face showed intense concentration. This time, Gon concluded that Killua had about another hour to go before he would no longer have enough strength to hold up his _Aura_ at this strength. He smiled slightly at Killua's intense look. It reminded of him when they had been training to fight Knuckle and Shoot.

He frowned, when he remembered what he'd said to Killua a few weeks after that. He felt his guilt come crashing down on him, big and strong. He clenched his fists tightly. He was going to make things right with Killua. He had to. He got up and started doing some exercise. An hour later, just as Gon predicted, Killua's _Aura_ finally wavered. As soon as it did, Killua completely dropped it and sat there gasping for breath. He sat there for a few minutes, to catch his breath. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and jumped down from the ledge, with the agility of a cat. He calmly walked to where his shirt was and swung it over his shoulder. He walked ahead, before turning and glancing back at Gon.

"You wanted to talk right? Common." He said. Gon scrambled over to him and they left the clearing together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg!!! I feel like this is going to turn into something long when it wasn't suppose to. I honestly thought that this was going to be the last chapter. I didn't realize how long this chapter was going to be. I think, that there will only be another one or two chapters left. I'm not sure. I'm really bad at predicting that type of stuff, as you can probably tell if you've read some of my other stories. XD


	4. Talking And Confessions (Ch.4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions and connection are finally realized.

Gon followed Killua to a small cave. There was a small campfire outside of it with one turned over log acting as a seat. Gon continued to study the area while Killua walked into the cave. Killua stopped and he looked over at Gon.

"You coming?" He asked. Gon looked up and quickly ran over to him.

"Hehe... Sorry. I got a bit distracted." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. Killua simply rolled his eyes and turned around, walking into the cave.

The cave was small. It only consisted of a small hammock weaved from grass and wood, a small log that acted as a seat and another long flat piece of wood with a few baskets on them, filled with berries. The cave was warm and Gon noticed a few pieces of wood sticking out of the wall. Killua walked over to the small log bench and sat down. Gon sat down in front of him, on the floor. Killua was leaning against his hands with his eyes closed. Gon shuffled a bit uncomfortably, feeling quite awkward with the silence.

"Ask me any questions you want." Killua said, his eyes still closed. Gon bit his lip.

"Why did you leave...?" He asked. Killua opened his eyes.

"I needed some time to think." He said bluntly. Gon frowned.

"That can't be it! It doesn't take five years to think about something!!!" Gon protested. Killua shrugged.

"This was a nice clearing and I decided to train here." He said. Gon looked down. He couldn't think of another question. His frown deepened. He wanted to stay with Killua, but he wasn't sure if Killua would let him.

"Killua.... are we still friends?" Gon asked softly. The question caught Killua of guard. He hadn't been expecting that. Killua frowned.

"I don't know." It was true. Killua didn't have any idea where their relationship was at the moment. Killua felt like he had shattered it when he left. Hearing Killua say those words, broke Gon's heart. Gon still, and always will, considered Killua his friend. His best friend. Gon had even begun to think of Killua in a different light. Gon clenched his fists. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't have a clue!! He squeazed his eyes shut, wishing more then anything, that they were kids again. Life hadn't been so complicated back then.

"A.... Are you happy?" Gon asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Killua heard it though, and he wasn't sure how to answer.

"I...don't know... I don't think so..." Killua said, his voice conflicted. Again, Gon frowned. He didn't like hearing that his friend wasn't happy. He didn't like it at all.

"Oh." Gon said bluntly. He frowned and looked down, trying to think of a way to keep the conversation going.

"K-Killua.... I.... I wanna stay with you!" Gon said suddenly. Killua jolted back at the sudden noise.

"W-What?!" Killua said in surprise. Gon looked up at him, with determined eyes.

"I wanna stay with you! It took me five years to find you, I'm not about to let you go!" Gon said. Killua frowned.

"Gon... I don't think that's a good idea." He said softly. Gon's frown deepened.

"Why not?!" He demanded. Killua stared at his hands, suddenly quiet. Gon reached over and grasped Killua's hands in his own.

"Killua.... I... still consider you my best friend. You can still tell me anything." Gon said softly. Killua looked up and into Gon's eyes. He suddenly flushed and looked away. Gon frowned. His concern for his best friend growing. Killua suddenly yanked his hands away and held them to his chest. His face was pink and he refused to look Gon in the eyes.

"Killua..." Gon said quietly. Killua still refused to look at him. Gon wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know what Killua was thinking and wasn't sure how to make him talk to him again.

"I'm just so confused...." Killua said quietly. So quietly, that Gon almost didn't catch it. Thankfully, his hearing was as sharp as ever. Gon reached over and hugged Killua. He heard Killua gasp softly when he did.

"Killua... are you confused.... about your emotions?" Gon asked softly. He felt Killua nod his head against him. Gon tightened his grip on him, and held him closer. He felt Killua bury his head into Gon's neck.

"Killua... it's okay. It's normal." Gon said, trying to reassure him.

"No it's not! I-It's not normal." Killua mumbled. Gon realized something. Killua wasn't scared of anything, except for his own emotions.

"Killua... what isn't normal about it?" He asked. Killua's grip on him tightened.

"I feel all tingly and nervous a-around this one person.... but I know that I shouldn't..." He said softly. Gon frowned. He guessed, that Killua loved someone. And considering his upbringing, he probably thought it was wrong because of that.

"Killua.... I promise you, nothing is wrong or abnormal about your emotions." Gon said softly. Killua didn't answer and kept his head in Gon's neck.

"Killua, these emotions are normal! From what you told me, it sounds like you are in love with someone." Gon explained. Killua stiffened against him. Killua suddenly pulled away. His eyes were wide in shock.

"L-Love?!" He said. Gon nodded. Killua looked away, his face flushed and showed confusion and a bit of... fear? Killua squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry for bothering you with this..." He said softly. Gon smiled.

"It's fine Killua. I love you after all." He said. His eyes widened in shock and his hands flew to his mouth. He hadn't meant to let that slip. Killua's eyes were wide in shock.

"Y-You...." He stammered. Gon looked away slightly. This is just great. I just revealed my crush and I know Killua likes someone! He thought.

"Y-Yeah... I-It's okay if you don't return my feelings! I-I'm fine with being your friend!!" Gon said quickly. Killua just stared at him. Gon looked away from Killua's intense eyes.

He suddenly felt a cold hand on his cheek. His head turned and his eyes widened in surprise, when he felt a pair of cold lips against his. Gon froze up from shock. Killua quickly pulled away, his face bright red from embarrassment. Gon touched his lips with his fingers in surprise. He looked back at Killua. He suddenly wanted to feel their lips together again. He wanted to see, touch and feel Killua. He reached over and pulled Killua to him and pressed their lips together again. This time, Killua froze from shock, but he was quick to return it. Gon pushed Killua onto the ground and climbed on top of Killua, never breaking the kiss. Gon pulled away and cradled Killua's cheek.

"I love you. I love you so much." Gon said softly, kissing Killua in between each word. Killua smiled up at him.

"I love you too." He said, just as quietly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this, I have no excuse for the terrible ending. :/

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. Now, this is super important. Before any of you have watched Hunter x Hunter, I'll have you know, that I have not finished the series. So please, if I get anything wrong about the anime, it's because I have not finished it. All I know, is that Alluka is Killua's little sister, she was kept isolationg, Gon gets injured during his fight with Pitou, Alluka heals him with her power, and Killua and Gon go their seperate ways. The reason I know this, is because of fanfictions, my friend giving me spoliers, and me reading stuff on Hunterpedia. (Actual website) So please, don't go screaming about how wrong I am. And yes, I know that Gon apologizes afterwards, but this is a fanfiction! This isn't and never will be, cannon. Whew. just wanted to get that out.


End file.
